Nasalifya Namwinga, a clinical psychologist, sits on a stool and speaks directly to the camera:


- Hey, I'm Nasalifya, a clinical psychologist, and today I'll be answering some common questions about self-harm in teenagers. I know this can be a really difficult topic to hear about, especially if it's something your teen is experiencing. Just remember to take care of yourself while watching this video and take a break if you need to, and know that you are not alone in navigating this. All right, let's get started with the first question. 

Question: What is self-harm?

So what is self-harm? Self-harm is when someone intentionally hurts themselves, but without wanting to end their life. Self-harm can take many different forms such as cutting, scratching, and burning, and for most teens, it's a way to cope with painful emotions and feelings. 

Question: What do teens self-harm?

Teens might self-harm for a range of reasons, and it's important to know that it's not the same for everyone. It can stem from a range of underlying issues like bullying, mental health challenges, relationship issues, study stress or past experiences of trauma or abuse. For many, it's a way of trying to cope with and express really intense emotions like anger, guilt, sadness, or even self-hatred. Some teens may also find self-harm as a way to communicate a need for support, to seek a sense of immediate relief or regain a sense of control, when everything feels really overwhelming. It can be confronting and hard to understand the reasons. But learning more about self-harm can help you respond to your teen with empathy and offer them the right support. 

Question: Is self-harm just a way to seek attention? 

Now, this is a really important question. There's a common myth that if a teen is self-harming, they're doing it just to get attention, and I think it's really important to clear that up. Self-harm is usually a deeply private way of coping with overwhelming emotions, and many teens go to great lengths to hide it. It's not about seeking attention, it's about trying to manage feelings that they might not know how to express. And even if a teen is hoping someone will notice, it's often a sign that they're struggling and need support. 

Question: What are the signs my teen is self-harming? 

Spotting the signs of self-harm can be tricky, as many teens will try and hide it. You might notice physical or emotional signs like unexplained injuries, sores or cuts, often feeling sick or unwell, feeling sad, angry or irritable, putting less effort into their hygiene or appearance. More often, you'll notice changes in the behaviour such as wearing long sleeve clothes in hot weather, creating strange excuses for injuries, avoiding social situations or being less socially active, withdrawing from you and your family and their friends, and changing their eating and sleeping habits. As much as you can look for signs, the best thing you can do is trust your instinct and try and talk to them if you're worried. 

Question: I'm concerned my teen is self-harming. What should I do? 

There are three clear things I'd encourage you to do if you're concerned that your teen is self-harming. 

Number one, start with communication. Creating a safe space where your teen feels comfortable sharing without fear of being judged, ridiculed, or being told what to do. Let them know that they're not in trouble. You're not angry or ashamed of them, and that your goal is to understand and support them. Here are some conversation pointers. Lead with empathy. "I can imagine that this isn't easy for you to talk about right now, so thank you for telling me." Seek understanding. "I wanna understand what it means to you and what I can do to support you through this." Check in. "How are you feeling talking about this?" And follow up. "When we talk about how you're doing with this next time, is there anything I can do to make this conversation easier?" 

The second thing I'd encourage you to do is help them connect with a GP or mental health professional. They can help your teen explore the feelings that might be driving the urge to self-harm and work with them to build healthier ways to cope. If they're looking to talk to someone right away, they can use online and phone services like Kids Helpline and Lifeline. They are free and confidential and have trained people who are there to listen and help. Some parents feel like if they need professional support, it's a sign that they've somehow failed. And I wanna reassure you that this is not the case and that seeking help is such a strong and positive step in supporting and looking after your teen. It's also a great way to model help seeking behaviours to your teen. 

So my third suggestion is to encourage your team to explore some positive coping strategies to manage their emotions and urges. During moments of strong urges, they could distract themselves with things that they enjoy doing, such as gaming, watching movies, playing music, journaling, creating art, or whatever interests them. The idea is that these activities distract your teen from the urges, until they become less intense and are easier to resist. If they feel unsure about what works, you can try experimenting together or working with a professional to build strategies that work best for them. If you're doing everything you can to support your team, but you're feeling really concerned about their safety, don't hesitate to contact emergency services. It is okay to ask for help when you need it. Their safety is the most important thing, and they are people who are ready to support both you and your teen. 

Question: How do I look after myself during this process? 

"How do I look after myself during this process?" I really love talking about this with parents, because supporting your teen who is self-harming is so important, but it is just as critical that you look after yourself. So here's some things that can help. Acknowledge your feelings. It's okay to feel upset, scared or unsure. Share your feelings with someone you trust, like a friend, a partner, or a mental health professional. Set boundaries. You do not need to have all the answers or everything fixed overnight. Be patient and know that it is okay to take breaks when things feel overwhelming And prioritise self-care, whether it's going for a walk, journaling, or meeting up with friends. Doing things that you enjoy can help you recharge and be better at supporting your team. Now, build a team. You do not have to do this alone. It is okay to lean on people you trust to support, guide, and encourage both you and your team. 

Remember, progress can take time and multiple conversations. And while these mightn't be easy to have, just showing up, listening and encouraging your teen with positive support strategies, can make a really big difference. You are offering the support that your team needs during challenging times, and that is something to be really proud of.