Nasalifya Namwinga, a clinical psychologist, sits on a stool and speaks directly to the camera:

Hi, all. I am Nasalifya, a clinical psychologist, and today I am gonna be answering some common asked questions about self-harm. I know it can be a tough topic to hear about, so please take a break if you need to, and look after yourself while watching. Let's get started. 

Question: What is self-harm?

So what is self-harm? Self-harm is when someone intentionally physically hurts themselves, but without wanting to end their life. Self-harm can take many different forms, like cutting, scratching, or burning. For most young people who self-harm, it's a way to cope with painful feelings and emotions. 

Question: Why do people self-harm?

People self-harm for a range of reasons, and it's important to know that not everyone is the same. Often it's about trying to cope with or express really intense feelings and emotions, like anger, guilt, and even self-hatred. It can also be a way of communicating a need for support, providing a sense of immediate relief, even if that relief is only temporary, or trying to regain a sense of control when everything just feels overwhelming. I wanna add that it can be hard to make sense of why someone self-harms, but even if we're not able to fully wrap our heads around it, we can still take steps to understand it and offer support. 

Question: Is self-harm attention seeking?

A misconception is that people who self-harm, do so only for attention. Rather than being for attention, self-harm is often a deeply private way of trying to cope, and many people go to great lengths to keep it hidden. Even if someone hopes that others will notice, it's usually a sign that they're in distress and need support. So instead of assuming it's attention seeking, we can respond with empathy and help them get the right support. 

Question: How can I tell if someone is self-harming?

Recognising the signs of self-harm can be tricky as they're not always visible. The following signs could be a cue that someone is going through a tough time and may need support. You might notice physical or emotional signs, like unexplained cuts, burns or bruises, often feeling sick or unwell, feeling sad, angry or irritable, seeming depressed or anxious. You might also notice some behavioural changes, like wearing long sleeves or pants even when it's hot, avoiding social situations, withdrawing from friends and family, or taking unnecessary risks. So the truth is whether you see these signs or you don't, if your gut tells you that someone you know might be struggling, have a chat with them, check in and offer support. 

Question: How can I help a friend who might be self-harming?

So seeing a friend who might be intentionally physically hurting themselves can be really tough, and it's normal to feel really worried about their wellbeing. Here's my advice on helping a friend who might be self-harming. Approach the topic with sensitivity and without judgement. Let them know that you're here to listen and offer support. You might say something like, "Hey, I've noticed you seem really down lately and I just wanna check in. How are you going?" Remember, you can't make someone stop self-harming. That's a decision that they need to make for themselves. If they do open up to you, gently encourage them to seek professional help. You might say something like, "It might be helpful to chat with someone who knows a bit more about this". Or, "What do you think about checking in with a doctor or a counsellor?" Take care of yourself too. Keep up with your hobbies, exercise, or other activities that recharge you so you are in a good place to offer support. And just know that it is okay to not have all the answers, or to be your friend's only support system. If you are really worried or need support yourself, it is important to talk to a trusted adult or professional. It might feel like you're betraying your friend's trust, but gently let them know that you're doing it because you care about them and you want to help keep them safe. 

Question: What are some ways to seek help and get support?

So reaching out can be really hard, but there's so many ways you can find support. A great place to start is chatting with someone you trust, like a friend, a teacher, or a community member. There are also some amazing online communities where you can connect with others about your experiences, or you can try peer support services, like ReachOut PeerChat, where you can connect with peers with lived experience, who are trained to support you. I'm also a big advocate for talking to a GP or a mental health professional. They can work with you to help uncover what might be driving these feelings, and build healthy ways to manage the urges and strong emotions. Now, if you are looking to talk to someone immediately, you can use online and phone services like Kids Helpline and Lifeline. The great thing about these is that they're free, confidential, and have trained people there to listen and help. 

Question: What are some strategies to manage self-harm urges?

On top of getting support from a professional, there are some simple strategies that you can try on your own. One great idea is to make a distraction box. This is something that you can turn to in moments when you're feeling strong urges. You can fill it with things that help you feel calm and safe, like a colouring book, stress ball, some soothing scents, or just photos of people that make you smile. You could also have a list of some go-to activities that you enjoy doing, like gaming, watching funny videos, and putting on your favourite music, or even just having a chat with a friend. Activities like these can help shift your focus during tough moments and help those feelings pass. I'd also suggest taking some time to reflect on what might be triggering your urges. Are there certain people, environments, or situations that you've noticed tend to bring up those feelings? Understanding these might help you avoid those situations that increase your urges. Or if you can't avoid them altogether, it can help you feel more prepared to manage those urges when they come up. Okay, remember, progress is not a straight line. Setbacks do happen, but they're not a sign of failure. Learning new ways to manage self-harm can take time, but even the small steps really matter. With the right support, it is possible for people to reduce the intensity of the urges and build healthier ways to cope.