Rudy: It's really hard to explain that like it's not anxiety, it's not depression, it's not like a bad life or whatever. It's like this is literally just my brain. Like I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, literally.

(TITLE: ADHD: FROM TEENS TO TWENTIES with Rudy and Rashida)

Rudy: Hello, my name is Rudy Jean Rigg. My pronouns are they/them. I'm a comedian and a creative. I'm diagnosed with ADHD. And today we are having a chat about what it's actually like being a young
person with ADHD.

(TITLE: WHAT IS ADHD?)

Rudy: So, can we actually talk about what ADHD means, both I guess like experientially and on paper?

Rashida: The acronym stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Essentially, it is a neurodevelopmental condition. Although deficit's in the name, what we're understanding is that it's more around a regulation of attention, rather than a deficit in attention. Everyone can get dysregulated. But I think what the cause or the catalyst to that dysregulation is, is going to be different with someone with ADHD, to potentially with someone else that's dysregulated for another reason. And then the way that we're going to manage it or the things that we're going to put in place is going to look different.

Rudy: Yeah. Look, I wasn't the kid who was like super like hyperactive physically. It's an internal experience for me. And where I first noticed that maybe ADHD was something I should explore was because I realised that I had a real inability to change tasks without becoming emotionally dysregulated. My impulsivity came from connecting with other humans. I did have a huge trouble figuring out if I actually liked someone or if I just liked something about the experience I was having.

Rashida: Yes. And actually the lens that you're now looking back at those experiences is going to change the the whole picture of what those experiences were and what was going on for you and what was happening.

Rudy: Yeah, 100%. And I feel like knowing all of that, I've been able to learn to give myself like grace and like to almost forgive myself in like a third person way, almost because I think that for me, another way my ADHD shows up is through a level of perfectionism that is impossible to achieve.

Rashida:  I think that a lot of people do speak of this overcompensation. If they are coming to a diagnosis a little bit later in life and you know, have been fed this narrative and this idea that they're the naughty child, the disruptive child. You know, it can breed and foster this idea that I have to now strive for perfection because anything but is going to lead me back to being those really shameful negative, you know, things that people place on you without realising what is actually going on here.

(TITLE: Navigating ADHD in high school)

Rashida: So, when you were in school, were you noticing anything around your diagnosis? Did you speak to anyone about it? What was that like? 

Rudy: So in school, I had a real insistent passion for only doing things that I wanted to do, which meant that like I had an issue with authority and then it meant that my studying style was suited to me, it wasn't suited to task. When we look at systems like schooling, they can be often geared to the norm, and it's it's not often the case. 

Rashida: Exactly right. 

Rudy: School was not an accessible place for me. It was not an accommodating place to me.

Rashida: Is there supports that you now looking back wish that were accessible to you, were available?

Rudy: I definitely would have wished that there was an adult who knew what they were talking about to be able to say something.

(TITLE: Deciding to get an ADHD diagnosis)

Rashida: How did you come to your diagnosis? 

Rudy: I kind of had gone through like a grief cycle of like it's me or the world. It's me or the world. It's like 'Is the world wrong or am I wrong?' And I went for it beause I was like 'I have to know.' I accessed every single screening thing I could find reliably online. And then as soon as I was able to, I went and accessed mental health support and I got diagnosed that way, because I really did feel like I had a once in a lifetime chance to start again, which was just phenomenal for me and I needed it.

Rashida: Did you experience any grief, do you think, in coming to it later in life? 

Rudy: I did go through a a really big sense of loss and sense of grief because my whole life I feel like I have all I've wanted is to connect and to have a really deep connection with other people, and for a lot of reasons that was a real struggle for me.

Rashida: Which is not uncommon at all, right, that grief if you're coming to it later in life, or even as a young person or a teen, because you've already lived a life either receiving a lot of sometimes negative or critical feedback but also having that start to become your own internalised narratives.

(TITLE: Life after diagnosis)

Rashida: What do you think the knowing, now that you do know, has been helpful for post diagnosis, in knowing this?

Rudy: Oh, it's given me an orientation and it's given me language and this is something that's not talked about enough. It's also given me a sense of community and connection because for the first time in my life, I am able to connect with people on the most raw and authentic level, even if they're not from the same lived experience because I know how I'm showing up. I know who I am. I don't have to hide certain parts of myself that I would have chosen to previously. I have gotten better with putting systems in place to help me achieve things I want to achieve, which means when I do show up, I can show up better. Being able to tangibly coexist with it in a really 4D way is something that is necessary to my existence. 

(TITLE: Exploring ADHD diagnosis and treatment)

Rudy: I mean, I'm already diagnosed, right? But if someone was looking to explore that, what would they need to do?

Rashida: So, if you're under 18, typically you will need to have some sort of parent or guardian involvement, maybe going to them with some resources you've already collected or looked at what you've been experiencing and what you've been noticing about yourself. And there's a few different avenues. So, we can go to the GP to get a referral. You can get the referral either to a psychiatrist, a paediatrician, or a psychologist. If you are thinking about medication, probably the best point of call would be getting a referral to a psychiatrist or a paediatrician because they can also prescribe medication. I think some
people talk about how the first person that they'll raise it with unfortunately is not always supportive or affirming. You know, I know it's really difficult if you've had that as your first experience, but try again with someone else, you know, you will find someone.

Rudy: Yeah, 100%. Like finding someone who feels safe, who can help you advocate.

Rashida: If you're in school, you can actually go and see the school counsellor who can then be that support person for you, even in creating a plan on how to share with family or whoever it might be that you need to share with, and also provide referral options out. We talked about how, you know, psychiatrists or paediatricians will prescribe medication. That's not for everyone. There's loads of other systems we can put in place, strategies we can put in place, and those would be things that you would come up with if you had an opportunity to see a therapist.

(TITLE: Getting curious about support services)

Rudy: There's a lot of stigma around accessing services. If there's a service, just try it. And if you walk away going, 'well, that wasn't for me,' then that's better than not doing it at all and wondering.

Rashida:  Although it can maybe seem like an intimidating, daunting journey ahead, if you are experiencing something that's warranting enough of a sense of curiosity and a want to go down that path, there is help available. There are support services out there. There's many different pillars of support that someone can introduce into your life to make some of those challenges feel a little bit more easeful. It sounds cliche, but you are not alone in it. 

Rudy: Yeah.